The Art Of Peeing – To Stand Or Sit

           The Art Of Peeing – To Stand Or Sit …. That Is The Question

PeeingMan
A bit of conversation overheard from two couples at a nearby table at a local restaurant went something like this – “I’m the only one in this relationship that sits down to pee!!” Actually, that is the exact quote. And it begs the question, “Why in the world would anyone care how someone else pees?”

 
There is nothing macho or manly about being able to pee standing up, it is just a happy accident of nature due entirely to a male’s plumbing and has nothing to do with his testosterone count! And having this ability has as many drawbacks as advantages.
Don’t get me wrong, being able to pee standing up is a marvelous ability to possess and comes in handy in so many outdoor situations. In the woods. On a golf course. In a boat. In an alley outside a bar. Hiding behind an open car door on the side of the interstate. But this convenience is counterbalanced by the fact that, when we are home, peeing standing up is just plain messy!!

 
As one who cleans the bathrooms in our home, I am here to tell you that men are the messiest urinators on the planet! That stuff ends up running down the side of the toilet bowl, on the bottom of the lid and seat, on the floor and just about everywhere else you can imagine.

 
Ladies, when that stream first hits the water, it causes a splash. Where the drops from that splash go is anybody’s guess but usually you can count on it landing on the rim of the bowl, on the floor, on the cute TP holder you bought at Bed Bath and Beyond, on the wall, or on the guy’s foot. And that is just the beginning! When the well is dry, there is the “Shaking Off The Last Three Drops” ritual and, once again, the drops can land anywhere. Like on the rim of the bowl, on the floor, on the cute TP holder you bought at Bed Bath and Beyond, on the wall, or on the guy’s foot.

 
And all of that is just for a normal urination. Then there is the emergency situation when a guy has waited waaaaay toooooo long and has only seconds to make it to the toilet before his bladder decides not to wait on him! He un-zips his fly on his way down the hall and reaches in to find the fly to his underwear! But, damn it, the fly is being contrary and can’t be found!!! He has only seconds so, as he is lifting the lid and seat with one hand, he is pulling the waistband of his underwear down and dragging his penis out and over the top! Too late!! He starts peeing before he can aim and the first of the stream hits the bottom of the lid and the bottom of the seat!! Or the rim of the bowl, the floor, the cute TP holder you bought at Bed Bath and Beyond, the wall, or his foot.

 
And then there is the one situation that we men never think about until it is too late. In this scenario, and it happens a lot, the man has been spending some amorous time with his wife or girlfriend and a different liquid has exited his penis. Only not all of it has escaped and this particular liquid tends to dry into a hard, glue-like substance and will plug up any small orifice it happens to be in. So, later when the guy goes to pee, he may be surprised to see two streams exiting his penis in different directions and different trajectories! It’s like trying to aim your garden hose and a leak in your garden hose at the same rose bush! Of course the warm urine eventually melts the plug and the man can pee normally again, that is, with only one stream. However, the damage has been done and there is now pee on the bottom of the lid and the bottom of the seat!! Or the rim of the bowl, the floor, the cute TP holder you bought at Bed Bath and Beyond, the wall, or his foot.
So guys, the next time you have to relieve your bladder, do a big favor for the person who cleans the bathrooms – have a seat!!!

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