You Look Dashing, My Dear!

Men love to squire a gorgeous woman about the town.  It is a real adrenaline rush to have a beautiful girl on your arm who is dressed to the nines, making you the envy of every other man around!  But what a man doesn’t know is this – just exactly what are they saying when they see the happy couple?  “Don’t they just look great together!” would be nice.  “Wow! What a gorgeous girl and handsome man!” would be even better.  Either one of those is exactly the effect being sought.  But,……… what if the reactions are more like “How did HE get a girl like that?”  Or, even worse, “She must have real self-esteem issues to be with a slob like him!” 

No one wants those comments being directed at them! Your date wants the same thing you want, to be seen in public on the arm of someone gorgeous.  To be the envy of every woman around.  We need to make that happen for her just as she is making it happen for us!

Let’s face it men, which reaction we get is based entirely on how WE look, because we know our date looks ravishing!  She looks that way because she knows how to dress her body.  She knows styles.  She knows fashion.  She knows colors and cuts and textures and how to use them.  Sadly, most men don’t.  So we have two options, fellows.  One, we learn about style, fashion, colors, cuts and textures and how to use them. Two, we let our women dress us!!

I am partially color blind and thus have been “dressing challenged” my entire life.  I knew I didn’t look good based on the comments I received but I had no idea what to do about it.  Then I got lucky.  I met the love of my life!  She understood my angst when “trying” to pick out clothes to wear and she volunteered to choose my clothing for me.  Every Sunday, she would put together my clothes for the work week.  All I had to do was put them on each morning and go to work knowing that I finally looked “put together.”  On other occasions, including golfing, all I had to do was ask and she would go through my wardrobe and put together an appropriate outfit.

Then, I got lucky again! (Not NEARLY as lucky as the first time, but lucky nonetheless!)  I started watching “What Not To Wear” and Stacy and Clinton taught me which colors are neutrals (black, tan, gray and navy) and that ANYTHING goes with a neutral!  Now, I can not only pick out my own golfing attire, but clothes for other non-formal occasions as well.  I still depend on my wife for the dressy stuff, though.  If it requires more than two pieces of clothing, I always ask for help!!  (I still haven’t mastered ties! Never can tell which one looks best with “this shirt and this suit”.)  

You may be like me, never able to master the art of formal dressing.  But you can at least be able to select casual clothes that don’t clash on a regular basis.  And if you DO need help, don’t be too macho to ask for it!  ” ‘Tis better to ask for help than to look like a dork.” – Tommy Tuesday. 

Of course, you could only take women to places that require you to wear a tuxedo.  EVERY man ALWAYS looks great in a tux!!

Men In Skirts?

Well, it seems the fashion designers are once again unveiling a line of skirts for men. (From MackenzieImage – H&M’s Spring 2010 collection includes skirts & hosiery for men. That’s right, skirts and hosiery for men. Thoughts? http://bit.ly/7K6WJg)  Supposedly, men will find skirts more comfortable than pants, but is that enough to get men to wear skirts?  There is still this double standard thing between the sexes that just doesn’t seem to want to go away.  You know, the one that says a man who is promiscuous is “a stud” and a woman who is promiscuous is “a slut” or “a whore.”  “Stud” carries a good connotation, the other two not so much.  The same double standard allows for women to dance with each other in public and still be seen as hetero, but not so men.  And women have been cross-dressing for years, decades even, and it is perfectly acceptable. Again, not so acceptable for men. 

But let us say that we have all evolved beyond that.  That it is perfectly okay for men to dress in what used to be seen as traditional women’s clothing.  A man can now wear a shirt, tie and skirt to work and no one will bat an eye.  Sounds great, doesn’t it?  ‘Til you know the truth of it!!

First off, is there a fly in these skirts?  If not, then how do men go about urinating?  Will we all have to bundle our skirts around our waists and “sit down” as the girls do?  Not having had a lifetime of learning to do that, I can envision a lot skirts with large wet spots in the back!   Will urinals become a thing of the past?  Or will we learn to lift up our skirt and tuck it under our chin whilst “doing our business?”  Here I envision the wet spots in the front!

And how about leg crossing?  Men have always crossed their legs with one ankle resting on the other knee.  Would women now be the ones checking out the “beaver shots?” Or would they be called “badger shots?”  Most women I know don’t even like it when men wear a short sleeved shirt and, when they raise their arms, give everyone in the line of sight a wonderful view of their hairy armpits!  I can’t imagine the uproar when a crossed leg reveals the tidy whiteys or, worse, the thong!!  Or worstest, commando!!

And just where would men put their stuff? You know, wallet, change, chapstick, pocket knife, hankerchief, cell phone and the like.  Are these “man-skirts” going to have pockets for all of this? Somehow, I get the feeling that putting pockets in their hot new designs would not set too well with fashion designers.  Pockets would probably “ruin the lines.”  So what do men do?  Do we wear one of those Scottish pouches in the front, a kind of throw-back fanny pack?  Those would make taking a leak even more difficult than I thought!  Do we all start carrying purses? 

Okay, this is where men draw the line! You may get us into a skirt but we are NOT going to start carrying purses.  It’s just too………. girly!

Who Wants A College Football Playoff?

This blog is going to be a little off subject for me, unless you consider that college football fans maintain a relationship with the sport.  Well, I guess that is kinda true, after all, we miss it when it is gone and can’t wait to see it again when it returns.  And when it does return, we embrace it, cant’ get enough of it and sometimes go to bed with it.  Sounds like an adult relationship to me!! Regardless, I just felt this had to be said and couldn’t contain myself any longer.

To all the people who like to bash the BCS and who want a playoff in Division I (Yeah, I know, FBS, well sorry, I’m old school!!) – We Already Have A Playoff!!  Okay, so it is a two-team playoff but a playoff none the less.  Think back to the days before the BCS when all we had to determine the “mythical” national champion were the polls. And sometimes the pollsters couldn’t agree and we ended up with multiple National Champions.  We rarely, if ever, got to see Number 1 play Number 2 in a bowl game.  Instead, almost always, Number 1 would play in the bowl that had the agreement with their conference and Number 2 would play in another bowl for the same reason and Number 3 in still another bowl and so on and so on.  And when all the bowl games were over it was up to the “experts” who voted in the polls to decide who got the crown. 

NO ONE LIKED THIS!!  Instead, everyone wanted a way to pit the two best teams against each other so we could have a “Real” national champion.  And, voila, the BCS was born. No, they did not get it right all the time. Witness Nebraska playing for the National Title when the best they could claim in their own conference was third!  But the system has been tweaked and changed to the point where, most years, we get the two most deserving teams in the National Title Game, a one game playoff, if you will.

“Well, they have playoffs in the lower divisions so there is no reason it can’t be done in Division I!”  Wrong. There are a variety of reasons. One, except for some championship games, the playoffs in Division IAA, Division II and Division III are all held at the higher seeded team’s home field. Home fans can go to these games just like they go to regular season games. No extra cost or time is involved other than the normal cost of attending a home game.  And it gives a distinct advantage to the higher seeded team, playing on their home field in front of their fans. If you tried to do that in Division I, then which teams would go to the bowl games?

“We could use the bowls for the playoff games.” No, you can’t.  Reason two, if you use the bowl games, then, in a 16 team playoff,  the two teams that make it to the final game will be playing in their fourth “Bowl Game”!  Fans are NOT going to travel to four different cities across the entire country for four consecutive weeks to watch their teams play! It would be too time consuming as well as four times as expensive as going to one bowl game.  And, this is important so pay attention, the fans are the most important part of the bowl system!!  The fans flock to cities and venues and spend lots of money when they get there.  If the fans don’t go to the bowls, or go to only one of the four bowl games their team ends up playing in, then less money will be spent in the cities hosting the bowls and the bowls will die!! Bowl Games are about MONEY!  Why do you think there are so many bowl games now? Because they are profitable for the cities that sponsor them. Some venues even host TWO bowl games each year!  If you take away the fans, then you take away the money, you take away the profit and the bowl game will die! 

And I , for one, would hate for that to happen. I LOVE bowl game season!! For the players, getting to play another game in a far off city where they treat players and coaches like royalty is the reward the team gets for having at least a .500 season. The teams with better records get to go to the better bowls with better gifts and bigger checks.  For the fans, they get a chance to travel to locales they may not have ever gotten a chance to visit otherwise.  And the locale can change from year to year so it is more incentive for the fans to follow the team – they get to see another city! The Cincinnati Bearcats have been to three consecutive bowls in three different cities and have taken HUGE contingents of fans to each one of them.  For college football lovers, the orgy of games on TV is, well, almost orgasmic!! 

The bowls are unique to Division I. It is part of the tradition, history and charm of big time college football. And besides, if we had a playoff, what would we have to talk about from January to September?

Manscaping – To Wax or Not To Wax??

Yesterday while in the Tranquility Room waiting for my therapist to come get me for a much needed and much deserved massage, I was browsing through a magazine about spas and chanced upon an ad that intrigued me.  The ad was a picture of a quite comely lass in lingerie giving a “come hither” look to a guy wearing only briefs. The man had absolutely no visible hair anywhere on his body save for his head. The tag line – “Real men wax!” 

Really? I have been introduced to the term “Manscaping” just recently, (I know, which rock have I been living under?!) and I am trying to figure out just when it was that body hair on a man fell into such disfavor.  I remember reading an article in The San Francisco Chronicle  two years ago about men in the Bay Area who had taken to shaving their pubic hair.  The reason, however, was not to remove hair so as to be more esthetically pleasing to the female eye, but rather, much more vain and base, to make their penis look longer!  Yes, removing ones pubic hair, according to the Chron, added an “extra visible inch” which, apparently, made these men more desirable to women.

Give me a break!!  By the time you are down to your birthday suit, isn’t it already a given that you are going to get laid?  Has any woman ever said at that point “Oops, sorry! I was expecting at least an inch more so, see you later!”?  Okay, maybe, but I doubt it.

But this ad and the idea of  “manscaping” goes beyond vanity and advertising. At least I think it does.  Yes, I know, women have been removing hair from their bodies for, well, forever. They have been shaving legs, shaving armpits and, more recently, shaving/waxing their mons venus all in a effort to make them more attractive to men. This is, as far as I can tell, mostly an American thing.  European women have hairy armpits and men still seem to find them very desirable. Of course they also go topless at the beach, but that is a different blog!  So I guess it is a natural progression in this country for women to now demand the same thing from men, that is, “Please remove all of that nasty hair!”  Apparently, American women now find smooth and hairless much more attractive than rough and hairy.

No more playing with chest hair either before or after?  Secret Agent 007,- at least Sean Connery, anyway –  is now being turned down by women?  (“Yes, I know you have a license to kill, but you’re not getting any of this until that chest rug is removed!”)  What has the world come to?

I guess I am one of the lucky ones.  I have some American Indian blood in me so my body hair is minimal, except for “down there”.  So the chest hair thing being mostly non-existent, and absolutely nothing on my back and butt, at least I only have one place where I now need to remove it.  And who wouldn’t want to add to the manhood? Apparently a lot of men do, judging by the number of ads on TV, print and the internet touting “male enhancement”.  But who needs pills when you can add a “visible inch” just by shaving?

Any bets on how long it will be before Gillette comes up with a razor that is specifically designed for the male crotch?  Buy that stock now! You heard it here first!!

Want To Get Your Ex Back? Why?!

I have been seeing lots and lots of ads and tweets from internet dating, marriage and relationship sites that all have the same theme –  “How to get your ex back.”  My instant reaction to this is “Why on earth would anyone WANT to?”  You are no longer together for a reason and it is  very, very doubtful that the reason no longer exists.  Get over it and move on!

I had a gut instinct, but still I looked it up and confirmed that marriages between ex-spouses(marrying the same person you divorced) have a much higher failure rate than first marriages.  And why wouldn’t they? Good grief, if you couldn’t make it work the first time, what makes you think you will be able to the second time?  And I don’t mean just marriages here, I am talking about any relationship that ends badly. Yes, every relationship has a fair share of great times, lots of good times, and some not-so-good times.  It is when the latter become more prevalent than the two former that relationships break up.  After a break-up, some people tend to get lonely and depressed and think they will forever be alone and no one else will ever love them so they blame the break-up on themselves, vow to be a better partner, start reminiscing about the great times and voila!  It is time to get back with the ex and to hell with all that really bad stuff that broke us up the first time.

Sorry, Pollyanna, but it doesn’t work that way.  Oh, I guess you could go to counselling and spent countless hours and countless dollars trying to fix everything about each other that drove you both crazy.  But you weren’t willing to go to that much work the first time so who really thinks they are going to be willing the second time?  Besides,  you could be spending that time meeting new people, new friends, new lovers and perhaps falling in love all over again with someone better suited to make you happy. And no, your ex was not “The ONE.”  In a world of 3 billion people there is way more than one compatible person with whom you could happily spend the rest of your life.  Go out and find one of them.

Not all relationships last forever, but all of them will be remembered forever,  remembered for the great times and the things we learned about ourselves, about love and about relating to another person. 

I guess my take on break-ups is this: At times it was fun and exciting and I will cherish the memories of those times forever because they helped me to grow into who I am today.  But it is over and it is time to move on and to put those things I learned into practice with someone else who I may or may not spend the rest of my life with but from whom I will again learn a lot about myself, about love and about relationships.  And again, it will be a lot of fun!!

 

Dress For The Love You Want

I am blessed this week to welcome Shauna Heathman as a guest blogger! Shauna has opened my eyes to the effects an image can have on our ability to attract and keep a mate. She is insightful, thoughtful and very intuitive when it comes to the human condition and how we interact with each other. Below is her bio and picture.  How can the image you project help your love life?  Shauna has the answers, so read on and enjoy!!

 Bio: An expert certified by both the Association of Image Consultants International (AICI) and the International Institute of Image Communications, Shauna M. Heathman works with people of all ages to help shape the impressions they engender in others. As owner of Mackenzie Image Consulting, she specializes in the creation of personal brands for both men and women. She is the only certified image consultant in South Carolina.  shauna

Dress For The Love You Want

 We are constantly making assumptions solely on the way someone looks. It can make or break the job interview, a presentation or whether we close the sale. It’s to your complete advantage to follow the old adage and “dress for the job you want.”  Why risk being misperceived when you have all the information at hand? You know what you want in a job and you typically know exactly what the employer is looking for, so why not tailor an image that stands to get you that job?

But do the same rules apply when it comes to image and love?

 

It seems we all have our preferences as far as style when it comes to attraction — preppy, sporty, edgy, metro, elegant, etc. And even if it’s not based on wardrobe, you’re hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t have somewhat of a shopping list as to what they feel they’re attracted to. In addition, the law of attraction — like attracts like — can also aid in finding a match. We can see proof of that in the world around us. Preppy guy is walking hand-in-hand with preppy girl. Punk girl is snuggled up to punk guy at the movies. Typically one’s outward image goes along with a personality to match, thus creating a similar pairing. But I guarantee you one partner did not stand in front of the mirror with a tactical plan of dressing one way to attract the like. That preppy couple certainly found each other, but I’m sure it wasn’t because she decided to wear a matching cardigan set in hopes that the law of attraction would bring her a khaki-wearing dapper fellow. 

Dressing for the love you want is not so simple. Half the time you don’t even know what you want let alone know how to predict what someone else wants, especially when it comes to what each person finds attractive. So how can you make this adage work for you to support your romantic goals?

 

Trying to pinpoint what you like and trying to anticipate what another person might like is probably not the most efficient route. But what if you were conscious of what you don’t want and then take caution to avoid being misperceived in a way that would attract such dislikes.

One classic scenario fully embodies this concept: A girl who dresses provocatively on a regular basis complains that she only meets shallow men. Alter her wardrobe slightly conservatively and she may stand better chances.

Some would argue that focusing on what you don’t want brings more of what you don’t want. However, when it comes to dressing for love, how can your match — and their wants — find you if aspects of your image reflect the exact things you’re not searching for in a partner? While this may seem backwards, being able to reflect on what you don’t want will make it much easier to tweak your image respectively.

Adamant about not wanting a woman who is overly meek and fragile? Then you may want to adjust your image so not to look too submissive and unassertive. Opting for a more authoritative or modern look might help.

Know that you don’t want a man who is too laid back? Avoid a constant image of ease and comfort. Instead, amp up your look with more details, contrasting colors or more tailored silhouettes.

The key to making any image work? Integrity. Understanding how to use your image to attract others towards you isn’t shifty if you’re remaining genuine. When you can analyze yourself for hypocrisies regarding your image, you may find dressing for the love you want turns out to be a handy tool in boosting some romance in your life.  Especially in this fast paced world where snap judgments literally determine whether or not a relationships blossoms.

Why Am I So Attracted To Her?

You see her across a crowded room, her eyes meet yours and the attraction is immediate and reciprocal. You are not aware of how you know this, you just do.

 He walks into your office and when you look up, you stop breathing and he stops blinking.  The two of you resume breathing and blinking at the same time.

 You are being naughty and gently kissing every bridesmaid when, with no warning, one of the kisses lights up your soul, and hers.  Her eyes are as wide as yours as the kiss ends.

She walks up to your table and asks what you would like to drink and when you look up into her face, you lose the power of speech.  As she walks back to the kitchen to get the iced tea that you finally managed to order with your barely working mouth, she looks back to see if you are watching her.  You are.

What makes these scenes happen?  Is it pheromones? Is it an energy or aura that surrounds us and attracts us to like energies or auras?  Or to opposite ones?  Is it just the way the other person is put together, the curve of their jaw, the brightness of their eyes or the shape of their face?  I firmly believe that no one knows!

For me, I am fairly certain that it is NOT looks. Like everyone else, these things have happened to me and the women involved did not look alike. 

Pheromones? Well, maybe.  There are people hawking pheromones all over the internet right now and they claim that the darn things work.  But can pheromones cross a crowded room, get blended with every one else’s pheromones, reach your nostrils and instruct your brain to look across the room at her at the exact same time YOUR pheromones are telling her to look at you?  I guess stranger things have happened but it seems like a long shot to me.

I have to go with auras/energies.  I think we all have one, an aura, that is composed of OUR energy that has a specific charge signature. And our charge is attracted to another specific energy signature generated by other people. And when two compatible auras touch, the connection to both parties is immediate and, somewhere in the deep recesses of our barely understood brains, a synapse fires that forces us, totally unconsciously, to react, to look. I know, I sound like Geordi LaForge.  But how often have we all commented about meeting someone for the first time that “it was just electric!”

In the end, though, I guess it doesn’t matter how it happens, only that it does.  To all of us.  And it sure is fun!!  Isn’t it?