Let The Guy Do What He Loves!!

Today I am going to re-cycle the first post I ever made on this blog.  Time hasn’t diminished the story or the statement so I think it is still relevant to today’s audience.  Enjoy!!  Tommy

When I was in my early teens, I remember when our next door neighbor, Linda, was complaining to my mother about how much time her husband spent working on his race car and how he spent every Saturday night at the local drag strip racing it. Linda felt like Russ should be spending that time with her. She wanted him to fuss over her the way he fussed over his car. Being so young, I had no idea if Russ was paying enough attention to his wife, and I still don’t. I did know that Russ was fanatic about his car and had even built a bigger garage than the one that came attached to the house so he would have more room for the car and all the tools he needed to work on it. My mother didn’t know if he was giving Linda the proper attention either, I am guessing, because her advice to Linda did not address that issue at all. Mom was simple and straight forward with our neighbor as she said “Linda, Russ LOVES to work on and race his car. It makes him happy and he truly enjoys it. You need to realize that and stop complaining to him about it.” The incredulous look on Linda’s face I can still see today. She had fully expected my mom to agree with her that Russ should sell the car and spend more time with her. Mom continued “At least you know where he is, Linda. And you know he is doing something he loves. That beats NOT knowing where he is or what he is doing.” I don’t remember any more of the conversation. I may have become bored and gone out to play ball or ride my bike. But I do remember that, about a week later, Linda was again in our kitchen talking to mom when I heard her say “Midge, I have thought a lot about what you said last week about Russ and his car and I have decided that you are right! He DOES love working on and racing that car and I should let him do what he loves.”

At the time, I did not realize how smart my mother’s advice had been nor how insightful my mother was about men.  It was really just a way of life at our house that my dad hunted and fished and went to the sprint car races on ocassion and spent a lot of time restoring his old “32 Ford Coupe because those are the things he loved to do and mom never complained about any of it. In retrospect, I understand why my parents stayed together until death did them part, because they understood that they both enjoyed things the other did not and they never tried to deny one another the chance to do those things.
As a result, I have never understood why women would tell their man that they “couldn’t” play golf, go fishing, go to a baseball game or any thing else that he wanted to do. After all, she is his wife, not his mom. Women need to realize that by trying to deny a man something he loves, she is just driving him away from HER, not away from the activity he enjoys. When we get married, we are not giving up our individuality, we are just adding someone we love to the equation. As I look back at my life, I realize just how much my mother and father taught me about relationships without even trying. They just set a wonderful example that I have emulated without even knowing it.

 I think Kahil Gibran said it best “Stand together, but not too near together, for the oak and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

You Look Dashing, My Dear!

Men love to squire a gorgeous woman about the town.  It is a real adrenaline rush to have a beautiful girl on your arm who is dressed to the nines, making you the envy of every other man around!  But what a man doesn’t know is this – just exactly what are they saying when they see the happy couple?  “Don’t they just look great together!” would be nice.  “Wow! What a gorgeous girl and handsome man!” would be even better.  Either one of those is exactly the effect being sought.  But,……… what if the reactions are more like “How did HE get a girl like that?”  Or, even worse, “She must have real self-esteem issues to be with a slob like him!” 

No one wants those comments being directed at them! Your date wants the same thing you want, to be seen in public on the arm of someone gorgeous.  To be the envy of every woman around.  We need to make that happen for her just as she is making it happen for us!

Let’s face it men, which reaction we get is based entirely on how WE look, because we know our date looks ravishing!  She looks that way because she knows how to dress her body.  She knows styles.  She knows fashion.  She knows colors and cuts and textures and how to use them.  Sadly, most men don’t.  So we have two options, fellows.  One, we learn about style, fashion, colors, cuts and textures and how to use them. Two, we let our women dress us!!

I am partially color blind and thus have been “dressing challenged” my entire life.  I knew I didn’t look good based on the comments I received but I had no idea what to do about it.  Then I got lucky.  I met the love of my life!  She understood my angst when “trying” to pick out clothes to wear and she volunteered to choose my clothing for me.  Every Sunday, she would put together my clothes for the work week.  All I had to do was put them on each morning and go to work knowing that I finally looked “put together.”  On other occasions, including golfing, all I had to do was ask and she would go through my wardrobe and put together an appropriate outfit.

Then, I got lucky again! (Not NEARLY as lucky as the first time, but lucky nonetheless!)  I started watching “What Not To Wear” and Stacy and Clinton taught me which colors are neutrals (black, tan, gray and navy) and that ANYTHING goes with a neutral!  Now, I can not only pick out my own golfing attire, but clothes for other non-formal occasions as well.  I still depend on my wife for the dressy stuff, though.  If it requires more than two pieces of clothing, I always ask for help!!  (I still haven’t mastered ties! Never can tell which one looks best with “this shirt and this suit”.)  

You may be like me, never able to master the art of formal dressing.  But you can at least be able to select casual clothes that don’t clash on a regular basis.  And if you DO need help, don’t be too macho to ask for it!  ” ‘Tis better to ask for help than to look like a dork.” – Tommy Tuesday. 

Of course, you could only take women to places that require you to wear a tuxedo.  EVERY man ALWAYS looks great in a tux!!

Why Am I So Attracted To Her?

You see her across a crowded room, her eyes meet yours and the attraction is immediate and reciprocal. You are not aware of how you know this, you just do.

 He walks into your office and when you look up, you stop breathing and he stops blinking.  The two of you resume breathing and blinking at the same time.

 You are being naughty and gently kissing every bridesmaid when, with no warning, one of the kisses lights up your soul, and hers.  Her eyes are as wide as yours as the kiss ends.

She walks up to your table and asks what you would like to drink and when you look up into her face, you lose the power of speech.  As she walks back to the kitchen to get the iced tea that you finally managed to order with your barely working mouth, she looks back to see if you are watching her.  You are.

What makes these scenes happen?  Is it pheromones? Is it an energy or aura that surrounds us and attracts us to like energies or auras?  Or to opposite ones?  Is it just the way the other person is put together, the curve of their jaw, the brightness of their eyes or the shape of their face?  I firmly believe that no one knows!

For me, I am fairly certain that it is NOT looks. Like everyone else, these things have happened to me and the women involved did not look alike. 

Pheromones? Well, maybe.  There are people hawking pheromones all over the internet right now and they claim that the darn things work.  But can pheromones cross a crowded room, get blended with every one else’s pheromones, reach your nostrils and instruct your brain to look across the room at her at the exact same time YOUR pheromones are telling her to look at you?  I guess stranger things have happened but it seems like a long shot to me.

I have to go with auras/energies.  I think we all have one, an aura, that is composed of OUR energy that has a specific charge signature. And our charge is attracted to another specific energy signature generated by other people. And when two compatible auras touch, the connection to both parties is immediate and, somewhere in the deep recesses of our barely understood brains, a synapse fires that forces us, totally unconsciously, to react, to look. I know, I sound like Geordi LaForge.  But how often have we all commented about meeting someone for the first time that “it was just electric!”

In the end, though, I guess it doesn’t matter how it happens, only that it does.  To all of us.  And it sure is fun!!  Isn’t it?

World’s Best Husband?

While gathering information for a book, I had the chance to interview a friend who I am happily getting to know a lot better.  I’ll call her Pat.  Pat is married to, seemingly, the best husband in the world. I’ll call him Jack.  Here are some of the things Pat has told me about her husband and how he treats her:

Pat loves olives but Jack HATES them. (That’s Pat’s word!)  However, when he goes to the store, Jack always brings home olives for her.

Pat LOVES cherry Jelly Bellies and about once a month, Jack brings home a bag for her.

Jack does not drink coffee.  However, he purchased one of those super-duper coffee makers and every morning makes her a latte before he goes to work. Pat emphasized – “Every Single Morning!”

Pat has a favorite soap and body cream that is sold in only two stores in her home area. One of the stores is near where Jack works and every once in a while he will surprise her with a fresh supply.

I’m going to let Pat tell you about these last two:

                “I’ve had a cast on my foot about 75% of the time during the last two years.  Jack would help me in the shower and wash my hair for me.  He also would make lunch for me before he went to work, so I wouldn’t have to stand up. He came home, cooked dinner, did the dishes, and did the laundry.  He never complained one time.  He has been a true saint during this really difficult time.”

            “On the Valentine’s Day before our wedding (which was in April), I came home from work and the dining room table was set with two place settings from the china, crystal, and silver that we registered for.  It was beautiful, and it just took my breath away.  Candles were on the table, and he had cooked dinner.  It was the most romantic thing I had ever experienced.  To this very day, when I tell women this story, half of them get tears in their eyes.   I get teary eyed when I think of it.  It was an amazingly special, sweet, thoughtful, and beautiful thing to do.”

Now here’s the best part, men!  What Jack does is not that difficult for anyone we just have to be thoughtful and caring and DO IT!  Jack may be the world’s best husband because he IS thoughtful and caring by nature so it all comes naturally for him.  If it doesn’t come naturally for you, then you need to make an effort to BE more thoughtful and caring.  Use Jack’s examples and find something you can do for your wife or girlfriend that will make her tell her friends what a great husband/boyfriend she has. Trust me on this one, your relationship will dramatically improve!!

3 Endearing Things Men Can Do For Women – Installment Two

One of my most popular blogs was “Five Endearing Things Men Can Do For Women”, so I have decided to post another one, albeit a little shorter! The one thing men have to keep in mind is that the effects of these fun, little things wear off after a while and you need to keep reassuring that beautiful and sexy lady of yours just how wonderful she is and just how much you think about her every day.  And really, when you get right down to it, when you do any of these or any that you come up with on your own (please share!!!!) all you are saying is that you were thinking of her and wanted to do something nice. Or, in shorter terms, that you LOVE her!

So here we go, three more little acts of love and affection that will make your woman smile!

  1. Leave her a note.  It doesn’t have to be long or poetic or mushy.  In fact, it SHOULD be short and sweet and to the point.  The fun part is deciding where to leave it – on the steering wheel of her car, in her favorite coffee cup, inside the ground coffee so she finds it when she starts to scoop, in her panty drawer, in her briefcase so she finds it at work, or a myriad of other spots.  What is also great about this is that you can repeat this as long as you hide it in a different place each time.  And each time she finds a note in a different spot from last time, it just gets more and more endearing. More and more cute. Who says being a one-trick pony is a bad thing?
  2. When you are out and about, especially in the morning, stop at a coffee shop and bring home her favorite.  My wife loves the “skinny vanilla latte” from Starbucks so I stop often for her. (She does the same and brings me my Chai latte)  But, and this is IMPORTANT, make sure you know exactly how she likes her coffee.  If you bring home caramel when she likes mocha you will be sending a real bad message – which is that you don’t know her as well as you should or that you just don’t pay the attention that you should.  So if you aren’t sure, be very observant the next time you both visit the coffee shop and commit her order to memory. Better yet, write it down. 
  3. Wash her car! This will be even more special to her if she is a woman who “loves” her car.  So if she drives a Jag or a Mustang convertible this will REALLY get you brownie points! But even if she just views it as transportation, trust me, she will appreciate it when you clean it up for her.

So try these things, guys.  Ladies, feel free to forward this link to any man you think might benefit. And I was serious up at the top, if you have some endearing acts that you love, please let me know in the comment section.  I may end up writing a book!!

I Love You Just The Way You Are

me and bearcat cheerleadersAs I was perusing my favorite relationship sites this morning, I kept bumping into a common theme – women who are not happy with their bodies, OR women who think their men are not happy with their bodies.  Well ladies, let me take you on a journey to The World According To Tommy! 

The first and foremost Tenet of Truth in this world is that women are WAY too hard on themselves when it comes to their looks.  All women have at least one body part that they would like to change.  A lot of them “hate” their hair. Most of them, even those with single digit dress sizes, think they are too heavy.  Although they can see it in other women, many women have a hard time seeing themselves as pretty, beautiful, sexy or hot. (Just watch a few episodes of What Not To Wear if you don’t believe me!)  I doubt that there is a single woman who grew up and did NOT have self-body issues.  So, how do we overcome this in Tommy’s World? Men!!

The second and maybe most important Tenet of Truth in The World According to Tommy is that ALL women are attractive and men should keep telling them about it in no uncertain terms!  Just like all women have a body part they would like to change, they also have at least one that makes them stand out from the crowd.  She may have great hair, wonderful skin, fantastic eyes, great boobs, a dynamite ass, a gorgeous face, legs to-die-for, a smile that “lights up the room”, or curves that make men salivate!  Whatever it is, it is probably what attracted her man to her in the first place.  So,… Men,…. If you saw it before, it is still there and you need to keep telling her about it!!  If she has “the breasts of a Greek Goddess”, tell her and tell her often!  If she is beautiful when she rolls out of bed in the morning, tell her and tell her often!! (And then add, “Other women would be so jealous if they knew”).  If you realize how lucky you are to have her, and, trust me, you are, tell her and tell her often!!!

Tommy loves women and every woman I have ever been associated with, be it friendship or romance, has been either beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, pretty, adorable, or cute and I never hesitated to remind them of it.  And in my world, The World According To Tommy, the same is true of all men.

If men only realized the benefits of living in my world, they would ALL move in today!!

Communication – Handle With Care

When I was somewhere in my mid-teens, not old enough to drive but quite old enough to want to REALLY badly, I was riding in the back seat of my grandparents car which was towing a trailer on our way to Burr Oak State Park for a weekend camping trip.  We did that quite often as my father and mother loved to camp and my maternal grandparents quite often came along.  In fact, I still remember my father saying that “if it wasn’t for us, Noaie and Merle (slang nicknames for Noah and Murriel)  wouldprobable never go anywhere.”  Indeed, I am hardpressed to remember a vacation back then when Grandma and Grandpa were not with us. 

In this particular case, I had chosen to accompany them on Thursday so we could get there before the weekend rush and secure a good campsite as well as  reserve one right next to us for Mom and Dad when they arrived with my two brothers Friday evening.  You see, my grandfather was retired but my Dad wasn’t and we used this system often for our weekend excursions.  I went along because it got me an extra day of camping and fishing and, well, because it was always good to be the only grandchild around Grandpa and Grandma.  

On the way down, Grandpa was driving and commented “We need to turn left up here at Route “something or other”” My Grandmother, in the front passenger seat, or what we called the “navigator’s” seat, replied with a simple “Right”.  Grandpa immediatley answered, with a little edge in his voice, “We turn LEFT up here.”  Again, Grandma answered “Right.”  Okay, I know that all of you know where this is going by now, so it should be no surprise that Grandpa, much more annoyed this time, barked “Dammit, Merle! I have driven this route before and we turn LEFT!!” 

I really don’t remember how many times this went back and forth between them, but I do remember sitting quietly in the backseat thinking, “Should I say something?”  After all, I was just a kid and back then a kid did not easily insert himself into a conversation between grownups.  It was not the way we were raised.  But finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer and blurted out “Grandpa, she is AGREEING with you!”   Well, the light went on over his head and he realized how foolish he looked.  He “Harumphed” a few times, trying to stay grumpy but couldn’t pull it off for long.  And he laughed, I laughed and Grandma laughed the loudest. (I have wondered over the years if Grandma, who was more than a little bit ornery, had done this on purpose just to get a rise out of Grandpa.  But that side of Grandma is a story for another time!)

The point here is that it is extremely important in a relationship to understand fully what the other person is trying to say to you.  Homonyms, synonyms, workplace jargon and slang can throw us for a loop sometimes and misinterpretation can lead to completely uncalled for, needless arguments that can have disasterous results.  So don’t be so quick to get defensive.  Take a moment to analyse what the other person just said that you took offense to and decide if that is what they REALLY meant.  Most of time, it isn’t! If you are not sure, for crying out loud, ASK them!  Especially you men, check that macho ego that gets you into way too many bad situations at the door.  Ask. Listen. Talk about it.  Work it out. Save the anger for the politicians.