Over The Top or Just Really Romantic?

Just heard a romance story and I’m not sure how to take it. Is this guy just the most romantic man in the world or does he just have WAY too much time on his hands?


Seems this couple have been together four years and, to celebrate the anniversary, the guy buys 101 small boxes (they come flat and have to be folded into a box!! That’s 101 times he had to put a box together!!) and into each one he puts a piece of paper upon which he has written one of the “101 Reasons I Love You.” (Once again, that is 101 times he has to write something different on a small piece of paper, fold it, and put it in a box!)
Now folks, I love my wife dearly, with all my heart, but I’m not sure I could come up with 101 reasons!! I COULD come up with 101 things about her or things that she does that I love, but I’m not sure that is the same thing.  But maybe it is, because that seems to be what this guy wrote on the notes.
The lady did not open them all at once – 101 small boxes at one time? That could get boring! Instead, she is opening them a few at a time over several days. Or weeks, maybe. That seems like a good plan to me as it prolongs the romantic moment for as long as she has unopened boxes.
I’m really on the fence, here.  Part of me thinks it is romantic, but a BIGGER part of me thinks it is just kind of silly.  Soooooo,  I want to know what YOU think!! Was this a truly fantastic romantic gesture? Or was it just over the top lame?  All comments welcome!!  And thanks!!

Let The Guy Do What He Loves!!

Today I am going to re-cycle the first post I ever made on this blog.  Time hasn’t diminished the story or the statement so I think it is still relevant to today’s audience.  Enjoy!!  Tommy

When I was in my early teens, I remember when our next door neighbor, Linda, was complaining to my mother about how much time her husband spent working on his race car and how he spent every Saturday night at the local drag strip racing it. Linda felt like Russ should be spending that time with her. She wanted him to fuss over her the way he fussed over his car. Being so young, I had no idea if Russ was paying enough attention to his wife, and I still don’t. I did know that Russ was fanatic about his car and had even built a bigger garage than the one that came attached to the house so he would have more room for the car and all the tools he needed to work on it. My mother didn’t know if he was giving Linda the proper attention either, I am guessing, because her advice to Linda did not address that issue at all. Mom was simple and straight forward with our neighbor as she said “Linda, Russ LOVES to work on and race his car. It makes him happy and he truly enjoys it. You need to realize that and stop complaining to him about it.” The incredulous look on Linda’s face I can still see today. She had fully expected my mom to agree with her that Russ should sell the car and spend more time with her. Mom continued “At least you know where he is, Linda. And you know he is doing something he loves. That beats NOT knowing where he is or what he is doing.” I don’t remember any more of the conversation. I may have become bored and gone out to play ball or ride my bike. But I do remember that, about a week later, Linda was again in our kitchen talking to mom when I heard her say “Midge, I have thought a lot about what you said last week about Russ and his car and I have decided that you are right! He DOES love working on and racing that car and I should let him do what he loves.”

At the time, I did not realize how smart my mother’s advice had been nor how insightful my mother was about men.  It was really just a way of life at our house that my dad hunted and fished and went to the sprint car races on ocassion and spent a lot of time restoring his old “32 Ford Coupe because those are the things he loved to do and mom never complained about any of it. In retrospect, I understand why my parents stayed together until death did them part, because they understood that they both enjoyed things the other did not and they never tried to deny one another the chance to do those things.
As a result, I have never understood why women would tell their man that they “couldn’t” play golf, go fishing, go to a baseball game or any thing else that he wanted to do. After all, she is his wife, not his mom. Women need to realize that by trying to deny a man something he loves, she is just driving him away from HER, not away from the activity he enjoys. When we get married, we are not giving up our individuality, we are just adding someone we love to the equation. As I look back at my life, I realize just how much my mother and father taught me about relationships without even trying. They just set a wonderful example that I have emulated without even knowing it.

 I think Kahil Gibran said it best “Stand together, but not too near together, for the oak and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

You Look Dashing, My Dear!

Men love to squire a gorgeous woman about the town.  It is a real adrenaline rush to have a beautiful girl on your arm who is dressed to the nines, making you the envy of every other man around!  But what a man doesn’t know is this – just exactly what are they saying when they see the happy couple?  “Don’t they just look great together!” would be nice.  “Wow! What a gorgeous girl and handsome man!” would be even better.  Either one of those is exactly the effect being sought.  But,……… what if the reactions are more like “How did HE get a girl like that?”  Or, even worse, “She must have real self-esteem issues to be with a slob like him!” 

No one wants those comments being directed at them! Your date wants the same thing you want, to be seen in public on the arm of someone gorgeous.  To be the envy of every woman around.  We need to make that happen for her just as she is making it happen for us!

Let’s face it men, which reaction we get is based entirely on how WE look, because we know our date looks ravishing!  She looks that way because she knows how to dress her body.  She knows styles.  She knows fashion.  She knows colors and cuts and textures and how to use them.  Sadly, most men don’t.  So we have two options, fellows.  One, we learn about style, fashion, colors, cuts and textures and how to use them. Two, we let our women dress us!!

I am partially color blind and thus have been “dressing challenged” my entire life.  I knew I didn’t look good based on the comments I received but I had no idea what to do about it.  Then I got lucky.  I met the love of my life!  She understood my angst when “trying” to pick out clothes to wear and she volunteered to choose my clothing for me.  Every Sunday, she would put together my clothes for the work week.  All I had to do was put them on each morning and go to work knowing that I finally looked “put together.”  On other occasions, including golfing, all I had to do was ask and she would go through my wardrobe and put together an appropriate outfit.

Then, I got lucky again! (Not NEARLY as lucky as the first time, but lucky nonetheless!)  I started watching “What Not To Wear” and Stacy and Clinton taught me which colors are neutrals (black, tan, gray and navy) and that ANYTHING goes with a neutral!  Now, I can not only pick out my own golfing attire, but clothes for other non-formal occasions as well.  I still depend on my wife for the dressy stuff, though.  If it requires more than two pieces of clothing, I always ask for help!!  (I still haven’t mastered ties! Never can tell which one looks best with “this shirt and this suit”.)  

You may be like me, never able to master the art of formal dressing.  But you can at least be able to select casual clothes that don’t clash on a regular basis.  And if you DO need help, don’t be too macho to ask for it!  ” ‘Tis better to ask for help than to look like a dork.” – Tommy Tuesday. 

Of course, you could only take women to places that require you to wear a tuxedo.  EVERY man ALWAYS looks great in a tux!!

Manscaping – To Wax or Not To Wax??

Yesterday while in the Tranquility Room waiting for my therapist to come get me for a much needed and much deserved massage, I was browsing through a magazine about spas and chanced upon an ad that intrigued me.  The ad was a picture of a quite comely lass in lingerie giving a “come hither” look to a guy wearing only briefs. The man had absolutely no visible hair anywhere on his body save for his head. The tag line – “Real men wax!” 

Really? I have been introduced to the term “Manscaping” just recently, (I know, which rock have I been living under?!) and I am trying to figure out just when it was that body hair on a man fell into such disfavor.  I remember reading an article in The San Francisco Chronicle  two years ago about men in the Bay Area who had taken to shaving their pubic hair.  The reason, however, was not to remove hair so as to be more esthetically pleasing to the female eye, but rather, much more vain and base, to make their penis look longer!  Yes, removing ones pubic hair, according to the Chron, added an “extra visible inch” which, apparently, made these men more desirable to women.

Give me a break!!  By the time you are down to your birthday suit, isn’t it already a given that you are going to get laid?  Has any woman ever said at that point “Oops, sorry! I was expecting at least an inch more so, see you later!”?  Okay, maybe, but I doubt it.

But this ad and the idea of  “manscaping” goes beyond vanity and advertising. At least I think it does.  Yes, I know, women have been removing hair from their bodies for, well, forever. They have been shaving legs, shaving armpits and, more recently, shaving/waxing their mons venus all in a effort to make them more attractive to men. This is, as far as I can tell, mostly an American thing.  European women have hairy armpits and men still seem to find them very desirable. Of course they also go topless at the beach, but that is a different blog!  So I guess it is a natural progression in this country for women to now demand the same thing from men, that is, “Please remove all of that nasty hair!”  Apparently, American women now find smooth and hairless much more attractive than rough and hairy.

No more playing with chest hair either before or after?  Secret Agent 007,- at least Sean Connery, anyway –  is now being turned down by women?  (“Yes, I know you have a license to kill, but you’re not getting any of this until that chest rug is removed!”)  What has the world come to?

I guess I am one of the lucky ones.  I have some American Indian blood in me so my body hair is minimal, except for “down there”.  So the chest hair thing being mostly non-existent, and absolutely nothing on my back and butt, at least I only have one place where I now need to remove it.  And who wouldn’t want to add to the manhood? Apparently a lot of men do, judging by the number of ads on TV, print and the internet touting “male enhancement”.  But who needs pills when you can add a “visible inch” just by shaving?

Any bets on how long it will be before Gillette comes up with a razor that is specifically designed for the male crotch?  Buy that stock now! You heard it here first!!

Want To Get Your Ex Back? Why?!

I have been seeing lots and lots of ads and tweets from internet dating, marriage and relationship sites that all have the same theme –  “How to get your ex back.”  My instant reaction to this is “Why on earth would anyone WANT to?”  You are no longer together for a reason and it is  very, very doubtful that the reason no longer exists.  Get over it and move on!

I had a gut instinct, but still I looked it up and confirmed that marriages between ex-spouses(marrying the same person you divorced) have a much higher failure rate than first marriages.  And why wouldn’t they? Good grief, if you couldn’t make it work the first time, what makes you think you will be able to the second time?  And I don’t mean just marriages here, I am talking about any relationship that ends badly. Yes, every relationship has a fair share of great times, lots of good times, and some not-so-good times.  It is when the latter become more prevalent than the two former that relationships break up.  After a break-up, some people tend to get lonely and depressed and think they will forever be alone and no one else will ever love them so they blame the break-up on themselves, vow to be a better partner, start reminiscing about the great times and voila!  It is time to get back with the ex and to hell with all that really bad stuff that broke us up the first time.

Sorry, Pollyanna, but it doesn’t work that way.  Oh, I guess you could go to counselling and spent countless hours and countless dollars trying to fix everything about each other that drove you both crazy.  But you weren’t willing to go to that much work the first time so who really thinks they are going to be willing the second time?  Besides,  you could be spending that time meeting new people, new friends, new lovers and perhaps falling in love all over again with someone better suited to make you happy. And no, your ex was not “The ONE.”  In a world of 3 billion people there is way more than one compatible person with whom you could happily spend the rest of your life.  Go out and find one of them.

Not all relationships last forever, but all of them will be remembered forever,  remembered for the great times and the things we learned about ourselves, about love and about relating to another person. 

I guess my take on break-ups is this: At times it was fun and exciting and I will cherish the memories of those times forever because they helped me to grow into who I am today.  But it is over and it is time to move on and to put those things I learned into practice with someone else who I may or may not spend the rest of my life with but from whom I will again learn a lot about myself, about love and about relationships.  And again, it will be a lot of fun!!

 

OUT OF THE BLUE

You have all heard the stories about someone you know who found love, found a boy/girlfriend, or found a soul mate when they were not looking for one.  A lot of you can testify about it happening first hand.   At some time in our life, we have all given up temporarily on relationships for whatever reason (bad ending to the last one,  a succession of losers has turned us off to the opposite sex,  just don’t want another broken heart any time soon)  and turned our attention, our focus and our energy toward another aspect of life, usually work.  Things go along swimmingly for a while, our hard work is beginning to pay off, we are reveling in our independence, enjoying being single, when all of a sudden

                           WHAM!!!

 

IT HITS US LIKE A TON OF BRICKS!!  All of a sudden we find our heart racing!  Our palms sweaty! Our focus blurred!  No, NOT blurred, just completely and involuntarily re-focused from its former location to this person we have just met! That’s right, just met!  We date. We spend time together. We spend LOTS of time together. We can’t stop thinking about him/her! We can’t get enough of him/her! We can’t keep our hands off of him/her!! We HATE being apart from him/her! And it just keeps getting worse!

 AND IT IS GREAT!! IT IS FANTASTIC!! IT IS SCRUMPTIOUS, LUSCIOUS, DELICIOUS, DELIGHTFUL, DECADENT FUN!!!

And we all deserve it! More than once in our lives, we deserve it!  We have no idea how it happens, only that it does. As a new friend of mine just so lyrically put it, “it is as if I was a puzzle with a missing piece and the missing piece just fell into place.”  And we find ourselves gushing about him/her so much that our friends just smile and nod their heads knowingly, because they, too, have been through this before.

We have no idea how long this is going to last.  A few months.  A few years.   If we are one of the truly lucky ones, it will last a lifetime. But whatever the duration, we must enjoy every single moment and commit them to memory.  For if it does not last forever, it will still be a wonderful part of our life, a part we will carry with us forever. A part that, for better or worse, will help to shape us into that person we will ultimately become.  A part that we will look back on fondly and smile that deliciously devilish smile as we remember what a great time it was and how much fun we had and how much we learned about ourselves.

But if it does end, do we dive back into the dating pool hoping to catch lightening in a bottle again?  Some of us will dive back in and we will enjoy it, just as we did before.  But if it gets old again, and you decide again to opt out for a while, just don’t be surprised if one day, when you are least expecting it, that thunderbolt blindsides you again!!  As our Mother’s always told us, “you usually find love when you are NOT looking for it!”

World’s Best Husband?

While gathering information for a book, I had the chance to interview a friend who I am happily getting to know a lot better.  I’ll call her Pat.  Pat is married to, seemingly, the best husband in the world. I’ll call him Jack.  Here are some of the things Pat has told me about her husband and how he treats her:

Pat loves olives but Jack HATES them. (That’s Pat’s word!)  However, when he goes to the store, Jack always brings home olives for her.

Pat LOVES cherry Jelly Bellies and about once a month, Jack brings home a bag for her.

Jack does not drink coffee.  However, he purchased one of those super-duper coffee makers and every morning makes her a latte before he goes to work. Pat emphasized – “Every Single Morning!”

Pat has a favorite soap and body cream that is sold in only two stores in her home area. One of the stores is near where Jack works and every once in a while he will surprise her with a fresh supply.

I’m going to let Pat tell you about these last two:

                “I’ve had a cast on my foot about 75% of the time during the last two years.  Jack would help me in the shower and wash my hair for me.  He also would make lunch for me before he went to work, so I wouldn’t have to stand up. He came home, cooked dinner, did the dishes, and did the laundry.  He never complained one time.  He has been a true saint during this really difficult time.”

            “On the Valentine’s Day before our wedding (which was in April), I came home from work and the dining room table was set with two place settings from the china, crystal, and silver that we registered for.  It was beautiful, and it just took my breath away.  Candles were on the table, and he had cooked dinner.  It was the most romantic thing I had ever experienced.  To this very day, when I tell women this story, half of them get tears in their eyes.   I get teary eyed when I think of it.  It was an amazingly special, sweet, thoughtful, and beautiful thing to do.”

Now here’s the best part, men!  What Jack does is not that difficult for anyone we just have to be thoughtful and caring and DO IT!  Jack may be the world’s best husband because he IS thoughtful and caring by nature so it all comes naturally for him.  If it doesn’t come naturally for you, then you need to make an effort to BE more thoughtful and caring.  Use Jack’s examples and find something you can do for your wife or girlfriend that will make her tell her friends what a great husband/boyfriend she has. Trust me on this one, your relationship will dramatically improve!!